Friday ‘quiet’ Nights

Hello my dear Poppets, you may have observed (if one is a regular on the night-life scene) that it may be a ‘tad’ quiet at the local Friday evening ‘Drinky-Poos’ venue. The reasons possibly being:

 - The ‘so called’ ‘credit crunch’: Persons are being thriftier, that is a fact; my own frugality includes not as much caviar being served to my dining guests as I would like.
  - Persons are either taking a cost effective off-peak holiday somewhere, or, are again being penny-wise so when the time for vacation does arise they do not have to be prudent in their choice of ‘getaway’.
- The Kiddie-winkies are going to be absent from school soon (meaning parents are more inclined to be planning items to do as a family, rather than plotting their own selfish sordid/adulterous designs).
 - Saturday Night is the main choice of ‘Big Nite Out’. This may stem from days of old when a normal working week was Monday to Saturday, with Sunday being observed as a day for worship of God and rest, due to the belief that it is the Lord’s Day, the day of Christ's resurrection. (And also, in 1977 a movie called Saturday Night Fever reminded us that no matter how bad our life is, we can instantly make ourselves feel better by getting ‘Trollied’, pretending to be someone else, and getting a ‘leg-over’. Even though this was depicted as immature behavior in the film, some ‘clubbers’ might say otherwise.)

 So, although it may appear that the local Friday haunt is ‘a bit’ sparse (leading to the impression of a poor nightout before it has even begun), all is not lost, as there are opportunities to be gained from these situations; for example:
 - Nightclubs may not charge an entry fee at this time of the year before a certain time (a springtime ‘early bird’ special). And, if you look about, there are even venues where there is no entry cost at any time of the year (but do your research on these locations, as there may be a snare.)
 - Beverage offers (another spring time special – Though I don’t agree with alcoholics slaying themselves any sooner, those ‘Buy One, Get One Free offers are just too good to miss!!)
- Chances of ‘Pulling Something’ can increase as much as Ten fold in this lax period (though, this is dependant upon the male/female of the species ratio. But at this time of the year competition is not nearly as fierce as say, the Christmas period; when regardless of finances, individuals are out in their droves, literally fighting to ‘Get Some’).
- Dress codes can be slightly lax at this season – so if one has a preference for wearing plimsolls or an elegant Codpiece, the ‘Door Gentleman’ may forgive your ignorance in order to gain your custom.

These are but a few of the positives of the so-called ‘dead’ night-site at this time of year (or any time of year for that matter). So stay ever optimistic my dears and look for the good in everything…you will find it.
 As ever, The Prof.

 For more information about The Friday Feeling series please visit http://www.thefridayfeelingfilm.co.uk

Going for Gold

Salutations dear Intelligencia, the subject today is on those persons who won’t settle for anything less than Gold; and I’m not speaking about those Sporting Persons competing at the forthcoming London Olympic games. No, I’m talking about a species called the 'Gold Digger'. Those creatures whom are attracted to a person’s wealth, not the character behind it (or the entity within), but the security that may be provided. The reasons for this purpose are many & varied, from expensive gifts to recognised social recognition (and other privileges that come from this). The topic of ‘Going for Gold’ was brought up in conversation when an associate of mine was telling me all about his Saturday ‘night out’. He was established at the Bar with comrades when a Dudley accent squawked: “I dow think these blokes will buy me a drink”. My chum turned to a face a lady in her late 20’s (so she said), of Blonde hair (poor quality through years of abuse), Skin tight purple dress (clearly not for her silhouette – again, poor quality through years of abuse), ‘streaky’ Orange fake tan & lashings of make up (pitifully applied), and a smile reminiscent of Nosferatu (except the Prince of Darkness never had Black Teeth as I recall). She was standing with a well dressed gentleman (whom obviously hadn’t been well judging by the extremity of the collar size; it also looked as though the fellow had shrunk a good 7 inches, judging by the large hem at the bottom of the trouser). “Were yau gonna buy me a drink?” the Strumpet asked my friend. The conversation proceeded as follows:-

Gold-Digger: “He a with me” Pointing to her accomplice “C*** wo leave me alone, keeps buying me drinks”

Chum: “That’s very nice of him.”

Gold-Digger: “Yeah, but this Dirty B******’s trying to get me p***** up so he can F*** me” (Turns back to her escort) “I’ve told ya, I’ve got a Fella; now, P*** off; go on, F***ing Do One!!”

Chum: “He must think a lot of you to buy all those drinks?”

Gold-Digger: “He cor afford it though, he’s runnin outta money…ain’t yer” (directed toward her chaperone); “F***ing cheap-skate”… “I want yau to buy me a drink”

Chum: “What makes you think I can afford to spend as much on you as what your pal has?” (Who has now withdrawn)

Gold-Digger: “Yau and ya mates are drinking Champers”

Chum: “It’s a present to my companion here, it’s his Birthday”
(The ‘Scut-Bucket’ suddenly loses interest my pal and throws herself – literally – at the Birthday Boy)

Gold-Digger: “Who’s the next ‘Prezzie’ a coming from?”

Now, my dear Poppetts, this is not an essay in morality; it’s a lesson to all those ‘wannabe’ Kept Ladies in ‘How not to Do it’. The lady in the story above did not get far with my chum & co for a number of reasons (that I’m sure you’re aware of).
So here are a few guidelines for all you ladies (and some of you gentlemen) on how to ‘Bag someone of Affluence’:

1) Speak Appropriately (Indulge in Light Conversation: Current Events etc. Bad Language is a ‘No, No’)

2) Dress Appropriately (Use Common Sense here, don’t attend a Black-Tie Affair in Attire of the Fetish. If you can’t adhere to the strict criterion, at the very least wear clothes that fit you correctly; Instead of having your Under Garments and Genitalia Piercings on show )

3) Act Appropriately (If you are pursuing an individual for what they have, DON’T SHOW IT!! – And don’t show that offensive trick you perform with three lit candles!!)

And above all RESPECT YOURSELF!! As a wise man once uttered “Never go down on your knees unless you have a good enough reason”…truer words have never been said;

Yours, The Prof

For more information about The Friday Feeling series please visit http://www.thefridayfeelingfilm.co.uk